Dragging my feet on this but... 6 month update

My heart is heavy. So is my body.

It's been more than 6 months since I've been trying to eat an animal-based diet, and the most obvious thing that has happened is that I've gained 34 lbs. That is unacceptable. Yet here I am.

I even took measurements this time, so I could really compare. In addition to the 34 pounds, I've gained about 14 inches since my lowest point 5 months ago.

May 19, day 31 of meatdom measurements:

Weight 170.0 lbs, 77.1 kg (I am still 5'3", 63 cm tall)

Waist 79 cm, 31.1 in

Hips 110 cm, 43.3 in 

Right thigh 69.5 cm, 27.4 in

Left arm 36.5 cm, 14.4 in 

Neck 34.5 cm, 13.6 in

Day 181. Measurements. Here goes.

Weight 204.2 lbs, 92.6 kg (in case you forgot - I'm 5'3", 63 cm tall)

Waist 89 cm, 35 in

Hips 119 cm, 47.75 in

Right thigh 76 cm, 30 in

Left arm 42.5 cm, 16.75 in

Neck 36 cm, 14.25 in

This sucks. Really fucking sucks. Right on schedule, here I am, sucking it in to get into my size 18 jeans.

It would be fine if I were gaining weight but staying the same and/or losing inches. But you can definitely tell. On the left is a picture of me in May this year, and this is a picture I took today, October 21.

Very sad that I found this awesome fur coat at an estate sale for less than $90, and now I won't even get to wear it because my arms are too fat to fit comfortably inside. My burgeoning double chin is also bumming me out.

Lest I fill this whole post with depression, I will say that I did have a bit of a victory at the endocrinologist's office the other day, when my Hemoglobin A1c tested at 5.8. Lower than the 6.2 it was 3 months ago, which was nice. I think I'm just getting a bit better at guessing what amounts of insulin will make my blood sugar do what, with the amount of meat I think I'm eating.

Lately though, things are being a bit more rollercoaster-y. I've had to correct lows 3 days this week. Oy. The third time I felt ok enough to try correcting with cheese instead of sugar (63 mg/dl), but it was night time and the next morning I woke up with a high (193).

I'm starting to think that the ultimate dream of being able to eat however much I want without gaining weight or worrying about my blood sugar numbers is just not within reach for me.

Recently, my library sugar daddy (aka my husband) got me Dr. Richard Bernstein's book to read. It was both inspiring and depressing. Very inspiring to hear about the complications that can be prevented and reversed just by keeping blood sugars at normal or near-normal levels. I huzzahed to myself when I read his assertion that diabetics are entitled to the same blood sugar levels as non-diabetics. That's right. We shouldn't sell ourselves short.

But it was also super disheartening to see his plan for weight loss, which involved slowly decreasing the meat/protein serving you have at meals and seeing if you lose weight at that level. Then later, he mentions that if you're a lady and have polycystic ovarian syndrome, you're probably going to be heavy even if you eat like 800 cals/day.

Now, no one's ever told me that I have PCOS, but anything's possible, right? I'm chock full of empathy for PCOS gals, due to issues with my shitty body.

A few Mondays ago, I took too much insulin and/or didn't eat enough, and my sugar got low around the end of my work day. I then proceeded to go Full Ham, and ate about 12 of the fun-size candy bars that my coworker keeps in a big plastic jar on her desk. It was not pretty.

My resolve also broke down this past Saturday, with a low blood sugar + KC Royals (Go Royals!) victory nachos + fun-filled s'mores bonfire party at the lake. I'm so, so bad with social situations at times. Actually, sometimes I can be strict, but it's like Russian Roulette. Especially if my blood sugar is low. The sugar affects my brain something hard, and it really must be what it's like to wean off drugs.

Marcos and I went to the Renaissance Faire last weekend, it was pretty fun, though expensive. We plied ourselves with wine and turkey legs. I wonder why I had little trouble keeping ZC there, yet I fall face first into graham crackers and marshmallows at the lake.

Had a few other lows this last month as well, so I'm thinking about either running back to keto, or at least measuring the food I eat. But I so don't want toooooo, wahhh.

Note: I limited alcohol for a few months before, but once I found that this WOE was making me gain weight anyway, I decided, fuck that noise. Wine is good for you. Sometimes it helps me not have high blood sugars in the morning (when taken the night before, to clarify).

I want to believe in the dream. The inspiring stories that abound in the Zeroing In On Health facebook group - I want them to be mine! I want to join in the meat love fest! See, aren't they having a blast?

My resolve is starting to crack, however. How in the world can someone be expected to stay on a regime that is so limiting in a way (very freeing in others), that isolates you, and requires at least some level of willpower every day for the rest of your life? Not to mention, HASN'T BEEN WORKING and is making me puff up like a baby calf? Plus, my acne has come roaring back. I think it might be the cheese I'm eating.

6 more months, people. I can make it. I swear I will. I want to stick it out as the experimental ambassador for all other people with type 1 diabetes who might be considering zero carb. No other type 1's should have to go into this potentially awesome WOE without knowing the potential pitfalls. I'm making my mistakes for you!

3 Month Update

Yesterday was day 90 on Zero Carb! Time is really flying. Each day seems to crawl by itself, but suddenly you find yourself in the future.

This month seemed a bit smoother overall. For a while I still seemed to have issues with loose-type bowel movements arising at inopportune moments, and being kind of crampy/painful. It may have had to do with the kind of meat I was eating (ground beef that was too fatty), or possibly the quantity. The issue also seemed tied to my period. I've started eating eggs almost every day, and so that may be playing a helpful role in slowing things down. All I know is that I had 4 eggs/ 4 pc of bacon for breakfast yesterday, ground beef for lunch, a rare steak last night at 10 pm (when I finally got hungry) and I feel great this AM.

Now for the measurements. I'm not that excited. I'm also not that worried about the increases. Funny how abandoning sweets and carbs evens out your demeanor and brightens your outlook!

Weight 184.6 lbs, 83.7 kg (in case you forgot - I'm 5'3", 63 cm tall)

Waist 82.5 cm, 32.5 in

Hips 114.5 cm, 45.1 in

Right thigh 75 cm, 29.5 in

Left arm 39 cm, 15.4 in

Neck 34 cm, 13.4 in

Around 6 pounds gained, and also a few inches. I could definitely tell. My jeans weren't fitting as nicely anymore, so I went to Savers (thrift/secondhand store) to get some more clothes. I'm fat, but I'm oddly ok with it. I still fit in a lot of my stretchier clothes, and those are the best ones anyway. Whoever decided leggings were okay to wear outside was a genius.

During this third month of just eating meat, I had a challenge and I did not rise to the occasion. Tim and I went to the Kansas City Zoo to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary. It was a hot day, and I had packed some steak with me to eat. However, my mistake was not packing it well enough so that I'd feel like carrying it around with me until lunch time, and so I left it in our car.

Now, we could have gone to our car and come back to the zoo, but this zoo is freakin' huge and I was so tired. I also started getting low at one point, having given myself too much insulin for a bunless cheeseburger I ate there.

Usually when I'm low I just try eating meat and waiting, but in this case the only meat I had made available to myself was a hot dog. So I ate that. Then I ate one of Tim's french fries, and a little less than half of the hot dog bun.

I could have spent another $6 (!!) on another hot dog frank, but I just got kind of fed up with the situation. Luckily, that little indiscretion was probably only 20 grams of carbs.

But the zoo was overall really fun, and some of the animals were really active and well worth seeing. We got to see a tiger play with a big plastic ball, and we saw chimp snack time. So adorable! I could have watched the chimpanzees all day.

After we got back from the zoo later that evening, after we rested and showered, we went to an underwhelming steakhouse. I ate some breaded buffalo wings, for no real reason other than we had a coupon for them. I tried to just eat the meatiest parts, but that was probably another 10 or so grams of carbs. Our food took a long time to come out (maybe that's what happens at steakhouses? I haven't been to very many), and I definitely should have gotten the ribeye or prime rib instead of the tiny 8 oz filet mignon. Oh well, live and learn. I also bit into the toothpick used to attach the bacon to the steak. Facepalm. But it was a lovely night with my man, because we were together. *barf i know*

Tim and I split a bottle of wine every night that anniversary weekend. This may have stalled any weight loss effort as well, but honestly, I didn't notice. I felt fatter and squishier this month anyway, without the help of much carbs or alcohol.

The folks at www.zerocarbhealth.com and its corresponding Facebook group really recommend sticking with this way of eating for 6 months to truly see the impact on the body. I'm very optimistic that my body is changing for the better, despite the extra chub. My face gets occasional blemishes, but this may still be part of the healing process.

A cool thing I've been noticing is that I have to take slightly less humalog. This all-meat diet is probably good for my metabolism and diabetes, though it works considerably slower than just a regular VLCHF/keto diet. I'm still at 10 units of Lantus.

I've also found that sometimes in the evening I appear to be more sensitive to the insulin, and so a few times this week I've over-corrected and ended up a bit low. When I dip into the 50s, I don't feel as ravenously hungry as in my carby past, but I've also never previously had the hypoglycemic symptom of where your tongue/lips go numb. That's happened to me twice now in the past month. It's kind of scary, but I just eat some cheese, summer sausage, and/or pork rinds to feel better.

After these low blood sugar episodes at night, I don't take any extra insulin for the food I eat to correct. In the mornings, I notice I'm usually higher, in the 150s. This contrasts with my regular morning numbers of 90 to 115. I'll just have to work on not taking as much insulin at dinner time.

Things are happening, things are exciting. I'm totally ready for month #4!