Dragging my feet on this but... 6 month update

My heart is heavy. So is my body.

It's been more than 6 months since I've been trying to eat an animal-based diet, and the most obvious thing that has happened is that I've gained 34 lbs. That is unacceptable. Yet here I am.

I even took measurements this time, so I could really compare. In addition to the 34 pounds, I've gained about 14 inches since my lowest point 5 months ago.

May 19, day 31 of meatdom measurements:

Weight 170.0 lbs, 77.1 kg (I am still 5'3", 63 cm tall)

Waist 79 cm, 31.1 in

Hips 110 cm, 43.3 in 

Right thigh 69.5 cm, 27.4 in

Left arm 36.5 cm, 14.4 in 

Neck 34.5 cm, 13.6 in

Day 181. Measurements. Here goes.

Weight 204.2 lbs, 92.6 kg (in case you forgot - I'm 5'3", 63 cm tall)

Waist 89 cm, 35 in

Hips 119 cm, 47.75 in

Right thigh 76 cm, 30 in

Left arm 42.5 cm, 16.75 in

Neck 36 cm, 14.25 in

This sucks. Really fucking sucks. Right on schedule, here I am, sucking it in to get into my size 18 jeans.

It would be fine if I were gaining weight but staying the same and/or losing inches. But you can definitely tell. On the left is a picture of me in May this year, and this is a picture I took today, October 21.

Very sad that I found this awesome fur coat at an estate sale for less than $90, and now I won't even get to wear it because my arms are too fat to fit comfortably inside. My burgeoning double chin is also bumming me out.

Lest I fill this whole post with depression, I will say that I did have a bit of a victory at the endocrinologist's office the other day, when my Hemoglobin A1c tested at 5.8. Lower than the 6.2 it was 3 months ago, which was nice. I think I'm just getting a bit better at guessing what amounts of insulin will make my blood sugar do what, with the amount of meat I think I'm eating.

Lately though, things are being a bit more rollercoaster-y. I've had to correct lows 3 days this week. Oy. The third time I felt ok enough to try correcting with cheese instead of sugar (63 mg/dl), but it was night time and the next morning I woke up with a high (193).

I'm starting to think that the ultimate dream of being able to eat however much I want without gaining weight or worrying about my blood sugar numbers is just not within reach for me.

Recently, my library sugar daddy (aka my husband) got me Dr. Richard Bernstein's book to read. It was both inspiring and depressing. Very inspiring to hear about the complications that can be prevented and reversed just by keeping blood sugars at normal or near-normal levels. I huzzahed to myself when I read his assertion that diabetics are entitled to the same blood sugar levels as non-diabetics. That's right. We shouldn't sell ourselves short.

But it was also super disheartening to see his plan for weight loss, which involved slowly decreasing the meat/protein serving you have at meals and seeing if you lose weight at that level. Then later, he mentions that if you're a lady and have polycystic ovarian syndrome, you're probably going to be heavy even if you eat like 800 cals/day.

Now, no one's ever told me that I have PCOS, but anything's possible, right? I'm chock full of empathy for PCOS gals, due to issues with my shitty body.

A few Mondays ago, I took too much insulin and/or didn't eat enough, and my sugar got low around the end of my work day. I then proceeded to go Full Ham, and ate about 12 of the fun-size candy bars that my coworker keeps in a big plastic jar on her desk. It was not pretty.

My resolve also broke down this past Saturday, with a low blood sugar + KC Royals (Go Royals!) victory nachos + fun-filled s'mores bonfire party at the lake. I'm so, so bad with social situations at times. Actually, sometimes I can be strict, but it's like Russian Roulette. Especially if my blood sugar is low. The sugar affects my brain something hard, and it really must be what it's like to wean off drugs.

Marcos and I went to the Renaissance Faire last weekend, it was pretty fun, though expensive. We plied ourselves with wine and turkey legs. I wonder why I had little trouble keeping ZC there, yet I fall face first into graham crackers and marshmallows at the lake.

Had a few other lows this last month as well, so I'm thinking about either running back to keto, or at least measuring the food I eat. But I so don't want toooooo, wahhh.

Note: I limited alcohol for a few months before, but once I found that this WOE was making me gain weight anyway, I decided, fuck that noise. Wine is good for you. Sometimes it helps me not have high blood sugars in the morning (when taken the night before, to clarify).

I want to believe in the dream. The inspiring stories that abound in the Zeroing In On Health facebook group - I want them to be mine! I want to join in the meat love fest! See, aren't they having a blast?

My resolve is starting to crack, however. How in the world can someone be expected to stay on a regime that is so limiting in a way (very freeing in others), that isolates you, and requires at least some level of willpower every day for the rest of your life? Not to mention, HASN'T BEEN WORKING and is making me puff up like a baby calf? Plus, my acne has come roaring back. I think it might be the cheese I'm eating.

6 more months, people. I can make it. I swear I will. I want to stick it out as the experimental ambassador for all other people with type 1 diabetes who might be considering zero carb. No other type 1's should have to go into this potentially awesome WOE without knowing the potential pitfalls. I'm making my mistakes for you!

3 Month Update

Yesterday was day 90 on Zero Carb! Time is really flying. Each day seems to crawl by itself, but suddenly you find yourself in the future.

This month seemed a bit smoother overall. For a while I still seemed to have issues with loose-type bowel movements arising at inopportune moments, and being kind of crampy/painful. It may have had to do with the kind of meat I was eating (ground beef that was too fatty), or possibly the quantity. The issue also seemed tied to my period. I've started eating eggs almost every day, and so that may be playing a helpful role in slowing things down. All I know is that I had 4 eggs/ 4 pc of bacon for breakfast yesterday, ground beef for lunch, a rare steak last night at 10 pm (when I finally got hungry) and I feel great this AM.

Now for the measurements. I'm not that excited. I'm also not that worried about the increases. Funny how abandoning sweets and carbs evens out your demeanor and brightens your outlook!

Weight 184.6 lbs, 83.7 kg (in case you forgot - I'm 5'3", 63 cm tall)

Waist 82.5 cm, 32.5 in

Hips 114.5 cm, 45.1 in

Right thigh 75 cm, 29.5 in

Left arm 39 cm, 15.4 in

Neck 34 cm, 13.4 in

Around 6 pounds gained, and also a few inches. I could definitely tell. My jeans weren't fitting as nicely anymore, so I went to Savers (thrift/secondhand store) to get some more clothes. I'm fat, but I'm oddly ok with it. I still fit in a lot of my stretchier clothes, and those are the best ones anyway. Whoever decided leggings were okay to wear outside was a genius.

During this third month of just eating meat, I had a challenge and I did not rise to the occasion. Tim and I went to the Kansas City Zoo to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary. It was a hot day, and I had packed some steak with me to eat. However, my mistake was not packing it well enough so that I'd feel like carrying it around with me until lunch time, and so I left it in our car.

Now, we could have gone to our car and come back to the zoo, but this zoo is freakin' huge and I was so tired. I also started getting low at one point, having given myself too much insulin for a bunless cheeseburger I ate there.

Usually when I'm low I just try eating meat and waiting, but in this case the only meat I had made available to myself was a hot dog. So I ate that. Then I ate one of Tim's french fries, and a little less than half of the hot dog bun.

I could have spent another $6 (!!) on another hot dog frank, but I just got kind of fed up with the situation. Luckily, that little indiscretion was probably only 20 grams of carbs.

But the zoo was overall really fun, and some of the animals were really active and well worth seeing. We got to see a tiger play with a big plastic ball, and we saw chimp snack time. So adorable! I could have watched the chimpanzees all day.

After we got back from the zoo later that evening, after we rested and showered, we went to an underwhelming steakhouse. I ate some breaded buffalo wings, for no real reason other than we had a coupon for them. I tried to just eat the meatiest parts, but that was probably another 10 or so grams of carbs. Our food took a long time to come out (maybe that's what happens at steakhouses? I haven't been to very many), and I definitely should have gotten the ribeye or prime rib instead of the tiny 8 oz filet mignon. Oh well, live and learn. I also bit into the toothpick used to attach the bacon to the steak. Facepalm. But it was a lovely night with my man, because we were together. *barf i know*

Tim and I split a bottle of wine every night that anniversary weekend. This may have stalled any weight loss effort as well, but honestly, I didn't notice. I felt fatter and squishier this month anyway, without the help of much carbs or alcohol.

The folks at www.zerocarbhealth.com and its corresponding Facebook group really recommend sticking with this way of eating for 6 months to truly see the impact on the body. I'm very optimistic that my body is changing for the better, despite the extra chub. My face gets occasional blemishes, but this may still be part of the healing process.

A cool thing I've been noticing is that I have to take slightly less humalog. This all-meat diet is probably good for my metabolism and diabetes, though it works considerably slower than just a regular VLCHF/keto diet. I'm still at 10 units of Lantus.

I've also found that sometimes in the evening I appear to be more sensitive to the insulin, and so a few times this week I've over-corrected and ended up a bit low. When I dip into the 50s, I don't feel as ravenously hungry as in my carby past, but I've also never previously had the hypoglycemic symptom of where your tongue/lips go numb. That's happened to me twice now in the past month. It's kind of scary, but I just eat some cheese, summer sausage, and/or pork rinds to feel better.

After these low blood sugar episodes at night, I don't take any extra insulin for the food I eat to correct. In the mornings, I notice I'm usually higher, in the 150s. This contrasts with my regular morning numbers of 90 to 115. I'll just have to work on not taking as much insulin at dinner time.

Things are happening, things are exciting. I'm totally ready for month #4!

Today is day 30!

Halleluia, I have made it! Day 30 of drinking nothing but water and eating nothing but meat and animal products!

The past few days were pretty uneventful as far as symptoms/improvements go. I still appear to waver back and forth between solid and loose stool depending on how much fat I eat or if my period happens. I also thought I was getting another pimple on my chin, but the very next day I woke up and that same spot was significantly shrunken/dried up. I can't even find where I thought I had that pimple now!

I'm confident that my body and mind can only improve from here, which is why I'm continuing upon this meat path for at least another year, if not many more. This is what I intended from the beginning. I wasn't so naive as to believe I'd lose all my weight in this 30-day experiment. In fact, I don't think I've lost anything besides the water/bloating I originally made myself gain from my pre-meat carb gorgefest. But I'm going to really give it some serious effort.

Real talk: This is the latest thing I'm trying in an effort to reach my goal of 140 lbs. I really hope it is the last.

The insulin/blood sugar situation appears to have been sorted out for now. I'm injecting more Humalog and slightly more Lantus. My numbers have been in the 100-130 mg/dl range more often, with some 80s peppered in. For now, I am happy.

Slight mishap on Saturday with some insulin overdosing when I ate an entire rack of lamb for dinner (it was just so good - and Tim didn't want any because he only likes meat when it's well-done brown, not pink). I thought it had more protein than it did, which is why a few hours after I'd eaten, I checked my blood sugar and it was 51.

I was panicking, not wanting to derail my meat/no sweets progress, but also wanting desperately to shove some candy or other food in my mouth so that bad hypoglycemic feeling would pass.

I chose to eat some cream cheese. And by that, I mean an entire block.

#diabetesproblems, am I right people??

Despite this block of cheese only having less than 8 grams of carbs, and only about 16 grams of protein, a few hours later I checked and my blood sugar had risen to 138. Does this seem crazy to you? It did to me. I guess when it comes to insulin dosing and eating, your body can always surprise you.

I really try not to eat cheese a lot or make it the main focus of any meal or snack. But it's nice to know that cheese is sort of my new candy, and can fulfill the purpose of making my blood sugar rise when I need it.

My plan for my blog now is to update monthly at least, with measurement and progress updates. I don't want to weigh in more often than that for fear of making myself absolutely crazy. I'm already a 29-year-old woman, who is ethnic and raised in America, and also fat ever since I can remember. So, the less time I spend on the scale the better.

Meat is love.

Day 19 and I'm kinda pissed

Just when I had gotten all cocky and settled with my awesome blood sugar numbers while on keto, I decide to try this thing and now my dead pancreas is even more angry for some reason.

Here are my past week's numbers (all BS values are mg/dl):

Wed April 29 (last Crossfit day)

Fasting 8:26 am - 132

10:31 am - 200 (spike due to intense exercise, I believe I corrected)

2:21 pm - 95

5:50 pm - 86

10:59 pm - 104

Thurs April 30

Fasting 8:47 am - 121

4:21 pm - 90

10:02 pm - 115

Fri May 1 

Fasting 8:36 am - 97

3:41 pm - 130

10:03 pm - 132

11:41 pm - 155

Sat May 2

Fasting 10:11 am - 137

3:14 pm - 108

10:09 pm - 146

Sun May 3

Fasting 10:30 am - 139

1:45 pm  - 148

4:58 pm - 138

8:26 pm - 133

10:55 pm - 129

Mon May 4

Fasting 8:30 am - 111

11:48 am - 157

4:42 pm - 131

11:26 pm - 132

Tues May 5 

Fasting 9:03 am - 143

1:02 pm - 142

10:33 pm  - 184 (!!??)
It is at this point I freaked out and took 2 corrective Humalog units (one shot), and raised my Lantus from 7 units to 8 units at bedtime (one shot, though I'm considering splitting into two. I remember Dr. Bernstein saying that if a shot is larger than 6 or so units, it doesn't get absorbed the right way.).

Wed May 6

Fasting 8:05 am - 108

11:55 am - 180 (!!?? this was only a few hours after eating a 5 oz sandwich ribeye steak. Fatty and good. Makes no sense)

2:17 pm - 135

4:32 pm - 101

9:28 pm - 121

11:39 pm - 110

Thurs May 7

Fasting 8:42 am - 157

This is the last number I have, and so frustrating. Granted, I will say that last night at 10 pm I decided to eat probably 12 oz of ground beef. My hunger signals that day were strange. I ate until very stuffed, Thanksgiving stuffed, at that nighttime meal.

My numbers are definitely better than many other type 1 diabetics can say, and I'm lucky. I also realize I live a blessed existence, having access to all the medical supplies and medicines I need. After 17 years (my Diabetiversary is some time this month) I think I should just trust that I have the skills to slowly correct my dosing.

My fear is going low and ruining my meat experiment. I'm also hoping to keep my A1c number in check for the next time I see my doctor, in June I believe. Ironic that too much stress about keeping my numbers good can in itself contribute to high blood sugar. SMH, man.