4 Month Update UGGGGHH

As you can probably surmise from the title, month 4 was a slog and a travesty. I'm getting fatter, and I'm getting less okay with it.

I'm also mad at myself, because the temptations I've been experiencing have been given in to too many times. I should re-write that. I GAVE IN TO TEMPTATION TOO MANY TIMES. There. ownership. Feels good in a shitty way.

In late July and early August, a few cool things happened. I got to hang out with some friends from Crossfit I hadn't seen in a while, because some of them threw a beach/boat party (they're older and richer than I am). I had some kind of party cocktail dispensed from a cooler, and a few beers and some vodka. Then later, I ate the cheese off some pizza they ordered. Less than optimal. Why is beer and other alcohol still okay in my mind??

The Texas Trip

Then a few weeks later, I got to fly out to Texas to see mi familia again. I missed them so. Still do, now. Those 3 days flew by. I tried to minimize diet damage by only ordering burger patties + eggs at Whataburger during breakfast time, and picking barbecue joints to eat. My dad and brother even grilled steaks for us <3 <3 <3. Still, for some reason my hand kept reaching to the other side items - a little piece of bread here, some biscuits there, cole slaw, mac & cheese. All just a few bites. But enough to make my morale sink, my blood sugar rise, and make me wonder if I can really hack this WOE.

And of course, I drank some beer at the top of the Reunion Tower.

Texas beer, naturally

The Bear talked about having difficulty managing cravings for the first SIX YEARS (!!!omgggg) into his all-meat diet. That is less than heartening. Especially since my results aren't exactly jazzy enough for me to keep up my motivation and willpower in the face of Crema Catalan (amazing dessert at a Tapas place my parents took us to in McKinney, TX).

The most frustrating thing is that before this big trip home, I was actually very comfortable and in the groove of eating only meat. I could even imagine a Christmas or Thanksgiving where I would shun all cookies, candy, desserts, etc. I felt a change a'comin'! Then boom. Childhood memories overtake, and suddenly I'm wandering my parents' kitchen, looking for crunchy things to snack on. In case you were wondering, the winner was a bowl of tortilla chips, saltines, and graham crackers. <------- SO PATHETIC.

Food is still love when it comes to my family, apparently.

My stomach had been giving me problems before we left for TX, and my not-so-solid stools continued during my carby weekend. That was last weekend, and for some reason I still have diarrhea. My body must have to go through some kind of re-adaptation every fucking time I slip. I'll try my hardest to remember this in the future.

(Oh, and since my 120 day mark on this diet was the day after I got back from my trip, I weighed myself. 193 pounds. That is 8 pounds up from last month, and it is like a fucking knife in my heart. I'm hoping that can mostly be explained by the carbs.)

Sometimes though, just sticking with the diet doesn't even help me. Take yesterday.

The Saturday Saga

My friend Marcos and I went to the KC Ethnic Enrichment festival. A really fun time where different organizations around the city set up booths to sell their country's food and knick-knacks, and there's a main stage with performances. The biggest lines were at the Hawaii booth (for sno-cones) and the Mexico booth. Which tells you all you need to know about Midwest America.

I had a grand time at the festival, sidestepping all of the worst, most delicious-looking things (povitica, Thai coffee, American Indian Fry Bread, bacon rolls). I had some various meat-on-a-stick things from Laos and the Philippines.

I had 2 beers. The horror, I know.

I thought I had been doing great all day. Hadn't taken any insulin, but later after I came home (around 7:30 pm) when I checked my sugar it was 174. Not great, but not bad considering the beers. I corrected with 2 units I believe.

Had some ribeye steak for dinner - 1.16 lbs said the package. This is where I made my fatal error I think. I gave myself 4 units of insulin.

Normally this would be ok for a pound of meat, but I didn't check my blood sugar beforehand, so I probably would have been ok with just 3 units. Well, later, around 11 pm, I started feeling funny. So I got a few bites of summer sausage, 4 hot dogs, and some eggs. I was trying to chase away my low blood sugar, but it wasn't happening. I wasn't even hungry anymore, but I was trying to choke down all this food. It was terrible. I checked myself like 15 minutes after eating all this - 52.

Felt shitty for like an hour, whilst I ate some of Tim's dark chocolate, found some crappy sugar-free candies I munched on (because sometimes the oligosaccharides in them can raise my blood sugar anyway), and took a sip of a real Coke we somehow had in our fridge from Tim's brother's stash.

My life is a comedy of errors - I decide to commit to just meat, only to be thrown a loop with taking too much insulin. I had no cheese in the house, unfortunately. It's hard to treat a low with just meat, even if it's processed. So coke and chocolate it is. (I was really trying to get away from cheese, but maybe I need to keep it stocked.)

I finally went to bed after I tested my blood sugar at 61. Still felt low and crappy. Oh, and I also still had diarrhea. WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE?!

But I still count yesterday as a fun day since I got to hang out with Marcos and see some fun ethnic food and garb. And hey, I had some weird vivid dreams (one upside of carb time).

*End*

Woke up this morning at 196. This really makes me want to throw up my hands and go back to keto. But I've committed a year to this to just find out how much better (or worse, now that I think of it) my body can be on an all-meat diet.

I think my T1 diabetes really hinders my ability to stay on this meat diet. Or, is it my preference to control my blood sugars what is really making me fail?

What if I were to increase my basal unit of 10 Lantus units to 12 (or whatever it takes), then not take any Humalog for bolus?

Am I willing to put up with higher blood sugars over the course of an undetermined period of time, in order to make the diet easier and try to see that they come down little by little on their own? I'm not sure.

This is what some of the T2 diabetics have done in the Zeroing In On Health Facebook group. Of course, most don't take insulin...

I'll have to think about that.

Ok, I think I've rambled on enough. I'll leave you with the only measurements I bothered to take of myself, besides my aforementioned weight. Really really really hope it's just due to the beer and accidental carbs of yesterday.

87 cm waist (formerly 82.5)

121.5 cm hips (formerly 114.5)

This blog is turning out to be more negative than I'd hoped it would be. Pretty bummed.

I'll leave with a positive thought. My nails are freakin' fantastically long and strong! They haven't broken, but they do bend sometimes. I'm thinking about cutting them, as sometimes typing gets annoying with nails this long. But part of me wants to see how long they can get!

Long nails. That polish did smell like grape for a short while.

Today is day 30!

Halleluia, I have made it! Day 30 of drinking nothing but water and eating nothing but meat and animal products!

The past few days were pretty uneventful as far as symptoms/improvements go. I still appear to waver back and forth between solid and loose stool depending on how much fat I eat or if my period happens. I also thought I was getting another pimple on my chin, but the very next day I woke up and that same spot was significantly shrunken/dried up. I can't even find where I thought I had that pimple now!

I'm confident that my body and mind can only improve from here, which is why I'm continuing upon this meat path for at least another year, if not many more. This is what I intended from the beginning. I wasn't so naive as to believe I'd lose all my weight in this 30-day experiment. In fact, I don't think I've lost anything besides the water/bloating I originally made myself gain from my pre-meat carb gorgefest. But I'm going to really give it some serious effort.

Real talk: This is the latest thing I'm trying in an effort to reach my goal of 140 lbs. I really hope it is the last.

The insulin/blood sugar situation appears to have been sorted out for now. I'm injecting more Humalog and slightly more Lantus. My numbers have been in the 100-130 mg/dl range more often, with some 80s peppered in. For now, I am happy.

Slight mishap on Saturday with some insulin overdosing when I ate an entire rack of lamb for dinner (it was just so good - and Tim didn't want any because he only likes meat when it's well-done brown, not pink). I thought it had more protein than it did, which is why a few hours after I'd eaten, I checked my blood sugar and it was 51.

I was panicking, not wanting to derail my meat/no sweets progress, but also wanting desperately to shove some candy or other food in my mouth so that bad hypoglycemic feeling would pass.

I chose to eat some cream cheese. And by that, I mean an entire block.

#diabetesproblems, am I right people??

Despite this block of cheese only having less than 8 grams of carbs, and only about 16 grams of protein, a few hours later I checked and my blood sugar had risen to 138. Does this seem crazy to you? It did to me. I guess when it comes to insulin dosing and eating, your body can always surprise you.

I really try not to eat cheese a lot or make it the main focus of any meal or snack. But it's nice to know that cheese is sort of my new candy, and can fulfill the purpose of making my blood sugar rise when I need it.

My plan for my blog now is to update monthly at least, with measurement and progress updates. I don't want to weigh in more often than that for fear of making myself absolutely crazy. I'm already a 29-year-old woman, who is ethnic and raised in America, and also fat ever since I can remember. So, the less time I spend on the scale the better.

Meat is love.

In the home stretch

Today is day 24, and I'm feeling good! I think ground beef and ribeye does a body nice. Last week's pot roast experiment did not end up so well. Think cramping and camping out on the porcelain. I wonder if it was too much protein?

Anyway, my itchiness appears to be subsiding, and I haven't noticed many if any new blemishes on my face. I'm lovin' it. I've been on an early period this week too, so I'm interested to know how The Crimson Wave will be for me next month when I've been on this way of eating for longer.

The face this egg is making reflects how I felt when I woke up Monday morning (yesterday) and my blood sugar was 207 fasting.

Mother. effing. 207.

I had to make sure I wasn't using expired insulin. Whaddya know, I WAS. Exp date was 10/2014. I always tried to stretch out the usage of my insulin pens beyond what was probably acceptable (30 days). But yikes. My bad.

Replaced my Humalog with a fresh pen. I'm trying not to be afraid of dosing myself as I need it. I'm going to get my numbers down or go low trying.

This 207 was also probably the result of my less than optimal meals at restaurants this weekend while the in-laws were in town. I think I managed very well though, and I know enough to not go to a Mexican restaurant if I can help it. Or at least, not Taqueria Mexico. 

I got a plain carne asada steak, and some huevos con jamon. I tasted it and I could tell the ham was adulterated with something sweet. It tasted like something I might get in a Chinese (well, American Chinese) restaurant. 

Proud to say I did avoid any tortilla chips, breads, and supplementary potatoes in all incarnations. Maybe I can say I'm #winning even if my diabetes hasn't gotten with the program entirely. 

Day 19 and I'm kinda pissed

Just when I had gotten all cocky and settled with my awesome blood sugar numbers while on keto, I decide to try this thing and now my dead pancreas is even more angry for some reason.

Here are my past week's numbers (all BS values are mg/dl):

Wed April 29 (last Crossfit day)

Fasting 8:26 am - 132

10:31 am - 200 (spike due to intense exercise, I believe I corrected)

2:21 pm - 95

5:50 pm - 86

10:59 pm - 104

Thurs April 30

Fasting 8:47 am - 121

4:21 pm - 90

10:02 pm - 115

Fri May 1 

Fasting 8:36 am - 97

3:41 pm - 130

10:03 pm - 132

11:41 pm - 155

Sat May 2

Fasting 10:11 am - 137

3:14 pm - 108

10:09 pm - 146

Sun May 3

Fasting 10:30 am - 139

1:45 pm  - 148

4:58 pm - 138

8:26 pm - 133

10:55 pm - 129

Mon May 4

Fasting 8:30 am - 111

11:48 am - 157

4:42 pm - 131

11:26 pm - 132

Tues May 5 

Fasting 9:03 am - 143

1:02 pm - 142

10:33 pm  - 184 (!!??)
It is at this point I freaked out and took 2 corrective Humalog units (one shot), and raised my Lantus from 7 units to 8 units at bedtime (one shot, though I'm considering splitting into two. I remember Dr. Bernstein saying that if a shot is larger than 6 or so units, it doesn't get absorbed the right way.).

Wed May 6

Fasting 8:05 am - 108

11:55 am - 180 (!!?? this was only a few hours after eating a 5 oz sandwich ribeye steak. Fatty and good. Makes no sense)

2:17 pm - 135

4:32 pm - 101

9:28 pm - 121

11:39 pm - 110

Thurs May 7

Fasting 8:42 am - 157

This is the last number I have, and so frustrating. Granted, I will say that last night at 10 pm I decided to eat probably 12 oz of ground beef. My hunger signals that day were strange. I ate until very stuffed, Thanksgiving stuffed, at that nighttime meal.

My numbers are definitely better than many other type 1 diabetics can say, and I'm lucky. I also realize I live a blessed existence, having access to all the medical supplies and medicines I need. After 17 years (my Diabetiversary is some time this month) I think I should just trust that I have the skills to slowly correct my dosing.

My fear is going low and ruining my meat experiment. I'm also hoping to keep my A1c number in check for the next time I see my doctor, in June I believe. Ironic that too much stress about keeping my numbers good can in itself contribute to high blood sugar. SMH, man.

I'm the idiot

...who let her grip get too slack on her greasy microwave container, and ended up dropping two hamburger patties and their grease on the break room floor today at work. But I still ate those patties, because I have no shame and they were delicious.

Luckily, the spill was localized to the corner just near the microwave, under the counter. I mopped it up as best I could, and just hoped no one would decide to dance over there and break their hip.

Day 16 almost in the books. Oh, and I had a real, honest to goodness poop today! It had been a few days, and I have been EATING. Probably 2500, 3000 cals most days. Amazing.

For little 5'3" me, the eating to satiety part it's been really awesome. I've restricted myself to less than 1800 too many days of my life. I'm loving this meatness. It's getting easier to resist the sweet "foods" around me. Today we had donuts at work for the billionth time this year. I didn't even lift the flap up off the box to see what kinds there were.

I seem to be sleeping really well. Not that easy for me to get up in the morning yet, but I'm sure it'll improve with time.

One other bodily improvement I noticed is that my tongue is no longer coated. I've had a white coated tongue for as long as I can remember! This is weird and great! I'm on my way to being normal!!

Blood sugars have been high still, in the 130s to 150s. Remarkably steady, but still high. I hate that I have to pump myself with insulin. If I weren't the level-headed human I am, I'd skip my Lantus dose for a few days (weeks?) to trim down. They call that "diabulemia," kids, and it's a big no-no. You could literally die. I could give myself diabetic-ketoacidosis.

Insulin makes you fat, but it also makes you live. I kinda like living, so I'll stick with the plan ;)