It's been more than 6 months since I've been trying to eat an animal-based diet, and the most obvious thing that has happened is that I've gained 34 lbs. That is unacceptable. Yet here I am.
I even took measurements this time, so I could really compare. In addition to the 34 pounds, I've gained about 14 inches since my lowest point 5 months ago.
May 19, day 31 of meatdom measurements:
Weight 170.0 lbs, 77.1 kg (I am still 5'3", 63 cm tall)
Waist 79 cm, 31.1 in
Hips 110 cm, 43.3 in
Right thigh 69.5 cm, 27.4 in
Left arm 36.5 cm, 14.4 in
Neck 34.5 cm, 13.6 in
Day 181. Measurements. Here goes.
Weight 204.2 lbs, 92.6 kg (in case you forgot - I'm 5'3", 63 cm tall)
Waist 89 cm, 35 in
Hips 119 cm, 47.75 in
Right thigh 76 cm, 30 in
Left arm 42.5 cm, 16.75 in
Neck 36 cm, 14.25 in
This sucks. Really fucking sucks. Right on schedule, here I am, sucking it in to get into my size 18 jeans.
It would be fine if I were gaining weight but staying the same and/or losing inches. But you can definitely tell. On the left is a picture of me in May this year, and this is a picture I took today, October 21.
Very sad that I found this awesome fur coat at an estate sale for less than $90, and now I won't even get to wear it because my arms are too fat to fit comfortably inside. My burgeoning double chin is also bumming me out.
Lest I fill this whole post with depression, I will say that I did have a bit of a victory at the endocrinologist's office the other day, when my Hemoglobin A1c tested at 5.8. Lower than the 6.2 it was 3 months ago, which was nice. I think I'm just getting a bit better at guessing what amounts of insulin will make my blood sugar do what, with the amount of meat I think I'm eating.
Lately though, things are being a bit more rollercoaster-y. I've had to correct lows 3 days this week. Oy. The third time I felt ok enough to try correcting with cheese instead of sugar (63 mg/dl), but it was night time and the next morning I woke up with a high (193).
I'm starting to think that the ultimate dream of being able to eat however much I want without gaining weight or worrying about my blood sugar numbers is just not within reach for me.
Recently, my library sugar daddy (aka my husband) got me Dr. Richard Bernstein's book to read. It was both inspiring and depressing. Very inspiring to hear about the complications that can be prevented and reversed just by keeping blood sugars at normal or near-normal levels. I huzzahed to myself when I read his assertion that diabetics are entitled to the same blood sugar levels as non-diabetics. That's right. We shouldn't sell ourselves short.
But it was also super disheartening to see his plan for weight loss, which involved slowly decreasing the meat/protein serving you have at meals and seeing if you lose weight at that level. Then later, he mentions that if you're a lady and have polycystic ovarian syndrome, you're probably going to be heavy even if you eat like 800 cals/day.
Now, no one's ever told me that I have PCOS, but anything's possible, right? I'm chock full of empathy for PCOS gals, due to issues with my shitty body.
A few Mondays ago, I took too much insulin and/or didn't eat enough, and my sugar got low around the end of my work day. I then proceeded to go Full Ham, and ate about 12 of the fun-size candy bars that my coworker keeps in a big plastic jar on her desk. It was not pretty.
My resolve also broke down this past Saturday, with a low blood sugar + KC Royals (Go Royals!) victory nachos + fun-filled s'mores bonfire party at the lake. I'm so, so bad with social situations at times. Actually, sometimes I can be strict, but it's like Russian Roulette. Especially if my blood sugar is low. The sugar affects my brain something hard, and it really must be what it's like to wean off drugs.
Marcos and I went to the Renaissance Faire last weekend, it was pretty fun, though expensive. We plied ourselves with wine and turkey legs. I wonder why I had little trouble keeping ZC there, yet I fall face first into graham crackers and marshmallows at the lake.
Had a few other lows this last month as well, so I'm thinking about either running back to keto, or at least measuring the food I eat. But I so don't want toooooo, wahhh.
Note: I limited alcohol for a few months before, but once I found that this WOE was making me gain weight anyway, I decided, fuck that noise. Wine is good for you. Sometimes it helps me not have high blood sugars in the morning (when taken the night before, to clarify).
I want to believe in the dream. The inspiring stories that abound in the Zeroing In On Health facebook group - I want them to be mine! I want to join in the meat love fest! See, aren't they having a blast?
My resolve is starting to crack, however. How in the world can someone be expected to stay on a regime that is so limiting in a way (very freeing in others), that isolates you, and requires at least some level of willpower every day for the rest of your life? Not to mention, HASN'T BEEN WORKING and is making me puff up like a baby calf? Plus, my acne has come roaring back. I think it might be the cheese I'm eating.
6 more months, people. I can make it. I swear I will. I want to stick it out as the experimental ambassador for all other people with type 1 diabetes who might be considering zero carb. No other type 1's should have to go into this potentially awesome WOE without knowing the potential pitfalls. I'm making my mistakes for you!
